Mother Dearest
by Kairi Uzeniba
Summary: Howl and the gang get an unexpected visit from someone. Howl's mother! What will she say? How will everyone react? [1shot, oneshot] [Some HowlxSophie mixed in]


A/N: My first HMC fic! It's only a little oneshot, but I hope you like it. In honor of Mother's Day, even though it's late. Read, review, and enjoy!

**Mother Dearest**

The whole gang was sitting at the table, having dinner. Howl and Markl were wolfing down everything on their plates while the witch of the waste and Sophie were politely eating their food in small portions. Calcifur flickered away with some nice big chunks of wood.

"I suppose boys will be boys." Sophie said. The witch of the waste nodded.

All of a sudden, a huge puff of smoke erupted out of nowhere in the room. A figure in a navy blue robe stood. Cloth covered every section of the figure—even the face. They stopped eating.

"Howl!" cried the figure. It sounded like an elderly woman. "What happened to your beautiful golden hair??! And how have you managed to keep all this clean? I bet your room is a hellhole. And what is this place anyway?" She looked out the window. Wind rushed into the room. "Holy cow! This place is a flying building!" She slammed the window shut.

"Muh…muh-muh…mom??!" Howl questioned. The figure unwrapped the robe entirely, and instead of the tall thin person it had seemed to be, there was an old woman of who was very short, only about 4'2.

"How come you never keep in contact with me?! Since when did you have this giant flying house?! And you are those people?" she said, pointing a shriveled finger at the group. Howl stood and tried to calm her down.

"Mom, I've just been busy, I've was cursed by the queen for a while, and—"

"You expect me to believe that hoo-hah?! Even if you were telling the truth, you couldn't sent a letter once a month?! What's wrong with you?! I don't remember raising a lying little twerp like you! You used to be a lady's man, and even that's not what a mother usually wants, it's better than acting non-existant! I'd rather have a bachelor than a little liar who runs away!"

Everyone was flabbergasted by the appearance and outburst of this elderly woman. Markl was giggling but the witch of the waste looked calm. Calcifur was burning his wood as if they were popcorn and this scene were a soap-opera. Sophie looked shocked.

"I wanted a daughter! I wanted a sweet little daughter who'd help me around the house and sweep the porch! But no-oh, your stupid father had to give me the wrong—"

"That's enough, mother!" Howl interrupted. "You don't have to insult me to get me to apologize!"

"Then apologize!"

"I'm sorry!"

"For what?!"

"For not keeping contact with you and for lying!"

The old woman quickly cast a paralysis spell on Howl. He couldn't move or speak.

"This house is flying. This room is clean. There are other people here. Your beautiful blonde hair is now black as death." She growled "You haven't let hear of any of this for thousands of years."

Sophie was confused, and Markl noticed. "Wizards and witches live differently than humans do. They live for thousands of years. Howl may look young, but he's really about 8,000 years old." Markl murmured. This was confusing to Sophie, but hey, she was living in a flying house that looked like a fish. So she kept quiet.

"I heard none of this. I never heard head or tail of it. I haven't even seen you for a very long time." She continued. Suddenly, her angry expression turned to sad, lonely one. "I'm just an old lady. What do you think I'm supposed t do after my husband has died? The only thing I have to look forward to except my only child, who hasn't even given me grandkids yet. And you won't even give me a 'howdy-do' now and then. What am I supposed to do?"

The old woman began weeping, and Howl was forced to remain motionless.

"Mm!" he grunted, trying to move. His mother angrily turned around.

"What??!" she screamed. She remembered she'd paralyzed her son. She quickly undid the spell. Howl came to comfort her.

"Mom. I sincerely apologize. But you know how I was. I always ran away and found some ladies to flirt with. That was all I did. And you know how the war was. I was trying to help with that. I'm not lying to you. And all these people are friends of mine who have nowhere else they can go, and I want them to stay here." Howl said, honestly but sadly. "Please forgive me, mom. I'm really, truly sorry."

The old woman turned up to her son.

"Well Howl. I accept your apology." She replied sweetly. "But you better send me a letter once in a while."

Howl nodded vigorously. "Of course. No doubt about it."

"But you have to introduce me to some of your friends."

One by one Howl introduced her to the gang. He was finally on Sophie.

"This is Sophie." He stated. "She is my, um..."

"Wife? Is she your wife?" Howl's mother asked eagerly.

"Um, no, not yet—"

"Not _yet_??! So she's your fiancée?"

"No! Not yet—"

"You're going to purpose??! Well, now she knows." Howl smacked his forehead.

"Mom, why are you trying to get into my love life??!"

Sophie was listening to Howl and his mother having this odd conversation. She didn't expect him to purpose to her, and right now he just might be planning to purpose to her.

_Notice how he didn't say he wasn't going to purpose to me,_ she thought

"But I can tell you love her. I know my own son," his mother insisted. "I know you're going to purpose to her."

"Mom! Leave it alone, please!" Howl insisted back.

"Where's the ring??! Is it expensive??!" she asked. Howl smacked his forehead once again.

"Mother, could you please leave my love life where it is? How would you feel if someone was barging into your most sensitive subject?" Howl calmly argued. Why should he let his own mother ask questions about marriage? Howl hadn't even thought of getting a ring yet. This idea of proposal was recently created.

"Since when has women been your most sensitive subject? Last time I checked you had 3 girlfriends at the same time. One of them was married." she replied blandly.

There was a pause. Sophie felt multiple pangs of jealousy slam into her. Howl remembered that he had dumped all of his previous girlfriends except for one, who he thought might be the one until she started dating his another guy who looked similar to Howl.

Calcifur was loving every minute of this. It wasn't often that he got something interesting to see. The only interesting things he'd seen in a long while was meeting Howl, meeting Sophie, and this.

The witch of the waste wasn't even paying attention. Her thoughts were roaming somewhere between rabbits and pudding, wherever that connects.

Markl was ready to burst out laughing. He couldn't have imagined being dissed by his mom! How could the "amazing" Howl get made fun of by his own mother? Even if it wasn't that bad of a diss, his mom still said that Howl had no sense of decency around women.

Howl was ready to toss his mother out the window. She appears, humiliates him, and then bursts into his love life and says what he was hoping Sophie would never hear. He was ready to burst.

"Mother…" he growled. "Could we PLEASE stop talking about this? You can have dinner with us. You can visit whenever you want. I'll send you letters. Is that enough?" he begged. Another quick pause elapsed. Then Howl's mother burst out laughing. Anyone who would've walked into this seen would've backed away slowly and then make a break for it.

"Oh, Howl. If you wanted to stop talking about this you could've said so. Those 3 girlfriends of yours _were _pretty, though." She chuckled. She soon burst out laughing once again. Markl couldn't take it anymore. He joined Howl's mother and they laughed like hyenas.

Sophie wanted to slap Howl. But she knew she actually pitied him a little bit. His own mother was driving him to insanity. So she set the thought aside for the moment.

"Mom…" Howl said calmly. He was ready to tie up the old lady and leave her in a closet for a few days. "Would you like something to eat?"

So Howl's mother had a quick bite and soon left. And Sophie slapped Howl as hard as humanly possible.

**A/N: Well that's it. It wasn't as funny as I thought it would be, but I hope you like it. PLEASE review! I'd just like to know what people think. But I'd prefer no flames, please. Thanks for reading!**


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